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(These are from the same period as the Dark-Knight-Of-The-Soul
Poems, but I think they deserve their own page.)
Love: An Essay for the Divine Committee
in Charge of Planet Earth
Ode to a girl I’m in love with
Oh, girl I’m in love with,
Whenever I see you I get butterflies in my stomach.
I get light headed.
I sweat.
I stammer.
I can’t move well,
or think straight.
My throat clenches up.
It’s like...
It’s like you’re some terrible disease.
Some virus from the Amazon that’s infected my brain.
In short:
You make me sick.
The Great Equation
A great equation has been forming in my mind over the past years.
It is almost mathematical in nature.
It goes like this: My attraction to women = Dead rotting cat.
This is based on the fact that any woman will react to the
presentation of my attraction to her much the way she would
react to a dead rotting cat.
“I have something for you.”
“Oh, what is it?”
“A dead rotting cat.”
“Oh, how nice.” Forced smile, concealed disgust. “I’d
love to
have your dead rotting cat, really I would, but I’m just
not a
dead rotting cat kind of person. But look, there are lots of fish
in the sea. I’m sure there are thousands of women out there
who would just love your dead rotting cat.” Lie, lie, lie.
“Yes of course,” I will say, understandingly, “I’ll
just take my
dead rotting cat elsewhere.”
Why my attraction and dead rotting cats should have such
similar effects on women is as yet unknown. Theories have been
proposed, but any solid findings are still pending.
Dear God, um...
Dear God, um...
I’ve been thinking recently about some stuff.
You know, like my life and all...
And I was thinking about how you gave me this appreciation
for irony, you know?
And how great it is that there’s all this irony in my life
that
I can appreciate.
Oh! Like remember the time-
the time when I moved in with Alexis and Andrea and Keith
and Mark?
Remember?
And I fell in love with Alexis and she started going out
with Keith?
And then later on I fell in love with Andrea and she started
going out with Mark?
And I became good friends with everybody and I’d listen while
the girls would tell me how their respective boyfriends wouldn’t
really listen to them, and how great it was that that I was such
a good listener, and how they wished their boyfriends could be,
uh, more like...um, me?
You remember that?
Yeah, well I just wanted to say what great irony that was.
Really classic stuff!
Ha ha ha!
And I was thinking... You know, cause I was thinking about
irony and all...
I was thinking that you know what would be really ironic?
Imagine if I met a girl who I really liked... and she wanted to
go
out with ME!
Wouldn’t that just be killer? Ha!
Anyway, I just thought I’d throw that out there, just in
case you
were getting tired of the same old same old, you know?
Keep in touch,
Nick
To Linsea
You said you wanted to keep things light, fun.
You'd been in enough heavy relationships
over the last few years.
You were experimenting, you said.
I said sure, fine.
It made sense.
We were only going to be touring together for two more weeks.
Your life was taking you in one direction,
mine was taking me in another,
and my latest theories on relationships
were that they were all about timing.
Light is good, I thought.
Friendship with a twist, you said.
And I tried.
I thought I could.
Only problem is that I've loved you
and lost you
in lives lived
and times past
in places far away.
I'm not sure if you remember.
I've loved you and lost you,
never having told you how I feel.
I didn't want to forget you,
so I taught myself to see your face in the stars,
to hear your voice in the winds,
and to sense your spirit in the ocean,
so I would remember you in lives to come.
Like a ship to a distant shore
I found you and told you;
It felt like prophesy fulfilled.
You kissed me and my soul sang,
at play with all the world's children.
So when I realized you were kissing someone else as well as me,
and that maybe you loved them more,
and that you two would keep touring together,
and I was going to be left behind,
things got heavy.
And I fell into a place
I used to go when girls would spit on me
for being the fat kid.
Or when kids would invite me to their parties,
just so they could make me leave, crying.
I was reminded of how I'm broken,
of where my stitching comes apart,
and I knew everyone could see it,
could see the stuffing inside:
A site that's inspired so many women I've cared for
to tell me we can only be friends.
So I formulated a poem to tell you how I loved you,
and how I understood
why we couldn't kiss anymore,
and how much I still cherished
your friendship.
I didn't expect you to cross that river of tears,
and to kiss me, hard.
Kissing a part of me that's never been kissed before.
Letting me kiss you with a part of me that's never kissed anyone.
You remind me that people can be stars:
Giving meaning and mystery to the night sky,
and guiding us when we are lost.
You remind me of spirits,
and goddesses,
and fairies,
and that people are not alone,
even though we feel that way sometimes.
You live with a light that echoes through everything you touch.
You remind me that we are all a ship of lost children,
adrift at sea,
and that we've got to start loving each other
before we'll ever have the courage
to find land.
I wanted to thank you
for kissing me even when you found out I was broken,
and for being a star,
and a fellow spirit,
and my friend.
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